Can we take a moment to discuss something that has been bothering me for the past two months or so. It is probably going to sound selfish because I really should be thinking of the baby first, but there are a lot of things I really miss.
I miss riding my bike down steep downhills and ripping through the trails. I miss meeting up with my running group 4 times a week. Yes I know I can still run, but I am slower and it makes me irritable to I have given in to the fact that I won't be one of those running mama's who completes a marathon at week 30.
I resent the fact that my husbands body hasn't changed and neither has his pace. I resent the fact that 5 of my friends took part in a team ultra and I couldn't go. I am sad that I can't run the Edmonton 1/2 this August.
I had to tone back my exercise partly because the calorie needs of keeping up with my activity level while nourishing this growing miracle overwhelmed me. The tiredness and sickness during weeks 7-13 also set me back enough to not be able to keep up with my group.
I am not sure if this is normal. This feeling of loss and reminiscing about last summer and all the training and racing. I hold onto the hope that it is temporary, and although training and racing won't be as easy post baby, it wills certainly still be possible.
For now I am goal setting and making 'make believe' race calendars for 2014. Driven by the amazing fact that at the finish line I (we) will have a new supporter. And if that is not motivation I don't know what is.